"It's tough because I think a lot of people. They could ultimately be just a new friend, and that's perfectly fine, Taitz says. "A lot of times with dating apps, if you're meeting someone tonight and then there's someone else that saw you last night, then you might be giving people only partial attention." Try not to compare dates if you're seeing more than one person, don't assume the other person is dating other people, and don't start swiping through apps while your date uses the bathroom, Taitz says.Īlso go into your dates with an open and empathetic mindset.
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"I think to feel connected, we really need to give someone our full attention and really be totally present in the moment with a person," she says. But they are really only helpful if you use them wisely, Taitz says. Overall, both experts agree that dating apps have worked out positively for single people, since they've expanded the number of potential partners people can meet. (Yep, we're talking mindfulness.) "If you're going to see Hamilton, but you're comparing yourself to everyone else who's there with a loved one, you're not going to feel connected to your life, connected to the show, or connected to the moment," says Taitz. With all these activities, try to be fully present in the moment.
"It should be a mix of pleasure - things that you enjoy or used to enjoy and that are passive and easy to do - and things that involve mastery - things that are difficult but possible," she says. Just think about how accomplished you feel when you ace a class or get a promotion or leave the gym after an AWESOME workout, and it makes sense. Participating in activities that are in line with your values can also help you feel better about being single, because they'll give you a sense of purpose, which can be really fulfilling, Taitz says. "You could do those things by yourself, and that's not settling - that's living your life, and it's actually going to increase the likelihood that you're going to meet that partner." "I hate this idea that being single is like waiting in an airport for your life to take off," Taitz says. If you like going to the movies, ice skating, hitting up museums, hiking, etc., then do it! Don't wait for a relationship to get you out there living life. Sometimes these might be one and the same - for example, you might realllly have fun volunteering at a soup kitchen - but they don't always have to be. Reach out to these people and coordinate a time when you can get together and do something you all enjoy.
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"These thoughts contribute to the lonely feeling,” she says, and by targeting them, you can engage in behaviors that will free you from loneliness. These unhealthy thoughts are called maladaptive social cognitions, says Taitz, and they'll just keep you from creating deep, fulfilling relationships. Btw, if you do notice your friends are getting together, don't assume that they didn't invite you on purpose or that they like each other more than they like you. But if all your friends are going out without you and you're always just chillin' at home, that can also stoke feelings of loneliness - especially if you see social media posts where they seem to be having fun. Look, we know these aren't romantic connections, so they'll feel different.
(She recommends having at least five close relationships.) Remember, loneliness is a state of mind, so if you're spending your time hanging out with close friends, you won't be worrying so much about when you're going to find your next boo. You can also feel those things by cultivating strong, meaningful relationships with friends or family, Taitz tells BuzzFeed Health. Romantic relationships are really only one way to have those close connections with people that make you feel happy and fulfilled.
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